Jokes, Quotes, and Everything Funny


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Great Quotes!

"Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused."

"Sure God created man before woman.. but then you always make a rough draft before The Final Masterpiece."

"You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job."

"If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
-Brooke Shields

"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them."
-George Bush

"The world is more like it is now then it ever has before."
-Dwight Eisenhower

"Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, 'Thank God, I'm still alive.' But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again."
-Sen. Barbara Boxer, (D, Calif.)

"You can't just let nature run wild."
-Wally Hickel, former governor of Alaska

"It isn't pollution that is hurting the environment,
it's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
-Dan Quayle

"If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure."
-Dan Quayle

"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain."
-Lily Tomlin

"Life is a sexually transmitted disease."

"A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of."
-Burt Bacharach

"Love is like Pi: natural, irrational, and very important."
- Lisa Hoffman

"I know they say love is blind, but does it also have to be deaf, dumb, and stupid?"

"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."
-Douglas Adams

"If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style."
-Quentin Crisp

"We're not lost. We're locationaly challenged."
-John M. Ford

"I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it."

"You got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there."
-Yogi Berra

"The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people"

"Life is a waste of time. Time is a waste of life. So lets all get wasted and have the time of our lives!"

"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
--Richard Jeni

I hope that you have enjoyed these humorous quotes. As I hear more that I think you may enjoy, I will post them here. If you happen to know a quote that you think I might enjoy, please e-mail it to me or write it in my guestbook. Who knows, maybe you'll come back here someday and see it posted on this page!